What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
