I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
