I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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