She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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