its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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