I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
