he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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