I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I sprained my soul last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
