well I can't set my house on fire every night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
