Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
