k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
