I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
