Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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