Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
