It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
