so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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