I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize