Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
