I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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