I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize