Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
