I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
