stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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