frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
