I love black thongs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
