I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Say something about gay babies.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
