1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
