I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
