we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
