morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize