there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm both gender and math confused
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
