So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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