M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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