On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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