I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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