i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
