White coat. Heels.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
