My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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