tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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