I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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