you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
