Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
