The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
