Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
