He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
