But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
