I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
