You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
