What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
