i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
