Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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