areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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