he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
