I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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