I intend to get homeless drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
