When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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