oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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