She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Couch. On fire.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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