then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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