chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
