it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
