Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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