Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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