there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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