Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
