Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Slut skills are useful in every country.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
