if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
