woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
