11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
