we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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