Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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