I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
